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  1. Born Piscean, creative and romantic… 50% fail
  2. Executed my only masterpiece to date aged 7 ‘Viking longboat on a stormy sea’… a tad nifty with the paint pot
  3. Exhibited on TV aged 8, a drawing of 'Pegasus The Winged Horse' making the BBC Jackanory picture wall… fame
  4. Rejected for Foundation Art course, a first encounter with gender discrimination... too straight
  5. Accepted for Foundation Art course… discovered the wonders of tenacity
  6. Embraced aesthetic honesty... courtesy of incredibly brutal Art School tutors
  7. Gained a 2.2 in painting... perils of an abstract external assessor
  8. Rejected for MA painting courses, a first encounter with class discrimination... too proletarian
  9. Progressed to incubator stage, artist and manual labourer... I knew my place
  10. Fell under the spell of Brighton Open Studios... a dubious band of renegade printmakers and painters
  11. Delighted in the Festival Open, Fringe and other shows... escaped to part-administrate a small art gallery
  12. Diversified to dabble in typography and graphic design... epiphany at the sight of the Quantel Paintbox
  13. Digitally hooked, I purchased my first Mac, a Classic II... still fire it up occasionally and wipe away a tear
  14. Found time to help a friend paint a double-decker bus... once bitten, twice shy
  15. Put paints and crayons on the back burner... slave to visual communication
  16. Held a number or minor posts before announcing my arrival as... Graphic and Interactive Designer
  17. Logo, signage, technical illustration, storyboarding, presentation, interfaces, websites... that sort of malarkey
  18. Conquered print, tamed animation and vanquished the PC platform... we hold each other in mutual contempt
  19. Overcame a catalogue of redundancies... yet persisted with ‘GraphicWorld'
  20. Qualified as Certified Internet WebMaster... extending my digitisation
  21. Attracted the attention of larger players... entered the bright lights, big city of ‘CorporateWorld’
  22. Lounged as a Creative Directors and basked in the joy of senior management... delusions of grandeur
  23. Irreconcilable differences... ethical ‘MaxWorld’ in conflict with corporate values
  24. Dusted off the paints and crayons... a period of reflection
  25. Dipped an ageing toe back into the clear waters of visual education... stopped looking, learned to see
  26. VFX'd myself... suitably prepped for the next part of the aesthetic journey
  27. Paints and crayons now sit comfortably alongside the wacom... art is long, life is short